Stop the reboots!

For the most part, I have stopped going to see comic book movies. Sure, there are exceptions – especially those involving the X-Men – but I find “reboots” particularly tiresome.

We all know the origins of Superman, Batman and Spiderman, but let’s recap in case you have forgotten.

Kal-El journeys to earth as an infant after his planet blows up, struggles to contain his powers as a child, but eventually embraces his true self to become Superman. Ultimately, he finds a nice girl and after fighting some super-villain he reveals himself to her.

Meanwhile, Bruce Wayne suffers a tragedy in his life and becomes Batman, a bitter individual who has anger management problems. Curiously, Batman has little interest in women, but likes to spend his time with a cute young man. Wink-Wink.

And then there is the story of Peter Parker, a teenager who gets bitten by a radioactive spider. Much like Batman, he’s had tragedy in his life that leads him to fight evil. He also shares similarities with Superman – falling in love and eventually revealing himself to his chickso that she will become his girlfriend. Pathetic.

In my younger days, I eagerly awaited the next comic book movie. As time passed, however, I began to realise that these origin stories had little new to offer. Eventually, I stopped going to see them.

I do not begrudge the movie studios for periodically rebooting the major characters. After all, they are big money makers. What boggles my mind, however, are the comic book movies about the less famous superheroes. You can spot a flop from a million miles away.

Nobody really cares about Green Lantern, Daredevil or the Green Hornet. Yet, the studios seem intent on trying to make money on lame comic book characters.

Why make a movie about Aquaman? No one even likes Aquaman – not even his cohorts. I’m surprised that the Justice League even let him in.  His job interview must have gone extremely well or the Justice League has a very bad Human Resources Department

Speaking of Human Resources, I often wonder about the staff that supports these superhero groups. Somebody needs to do payroll. What about cleaning up around the place? I seriously do not see Captain America scrubbing a toilet.

Obviously, the superhero groups hire receptionists, computer help desk personnel and accountants. Do these individuals have superpowers of their own? My guess is yes. Not everyone can be extraordinarily strong or control minds. There must be mutants out there who can type 3,000 words a minute or load the dishwasher faster than any human alive.

In all honestly, I would like to see a movie about a super support staff. At least it would be something different.